November 26, 2009

Hoping for the best

Woow. Senior year is most definately not what I expected. I thought this year was the year that all the drama would get dropped and everything would be hella chill. Boy was I wrong. I guess I have a choice to stay out of it but its just the thought that there’s all this tension between some people is stressful enough. I want everyone to get along. I’m currently attempting to talk to one of these people who I think is mostly in the middle of all the bullshit. He’s a real person and he’s also really blunt. I respect him for that but sometimes you gotta back off when you need to. Don’t get the wrong expression about him. He expects people to be blunt with him too. He’s a cool guy. I know I’ve been talkin about him behind his back but its always about all the things I think we need to talk to him about. Honestly, I wanted to be his friend since freshman year and its pretty disappointing that I only attempted to this year. Now I hate him. I know this might seem senseless but I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to be my friend. It might not be that way in reality but that’s what it seems like. I guess its a love-hate thing. I love this guy to death but the fact that it seems like he doesn’t want to be my friend and that he has this cocky (in a good way.. sort of) attitude makes me hate him. Hate is such a strong word so maybe dislike is alright. I think that when I finally talk to him everything will be alright or maybe everything will get worst. But I am positive that I’m gonna talk to him. I just hope this year comes to a good close. I wouldn’t want to end it with anything unresolved. I need to collect my thoughts before I start anything.

-maaattchu

 
November 23, 2009

you think you know but you have no idea.

These people that I live with are so fucking annoying. I do appreciate what they do for me but really, if I could have it my way I would move the fuck out. All they’re concerned about is where I’m at during the fuckin day when they have their own children to be concerned about. Fuck. I got my own fuckin set of parents to do that. I know for a fact the your fuckin kids are not the most perfect kids. So before you worry about other peoples kids worry about your own damn kids and what they’re fuckin up to because honestly, I know way more stuff about your kids than you do. They are nothing you should be proud of.

I’m stuck here for another 3 years. FML!!

 
August 24, 2009
“ Friends

I see who my true friends really are now. From 6th grade to 8th grade and
half of freshmen year I always thought that my true friends are the ones I
had since preschool. We’ve been together for 10 years so I thought that that
was proof enough to call us true friends. But like always.. I was wrong.
They’ve changed and so have I but I don’t go brushin them off everytime they
try to communicate with me. I guess we were only friends because we were
forced to be friends. We were a class of forty no more than forty. I guess
we had no choice but to be friends. That seems totally wrong to me. I can be
totally wrong but this is what they’re making it seem like. They’re making
it seem like now that there are more people to a class and we don’t see the
same people the whole day, we don’t don’t have to be friends anymore.
Believe me when I say that I was truely their friends and I still wanna be
their friends but this is a two way street. It takes two to tango and it
seems like I’m the only one trying. I know I said some nasty and offensive
things about them but that was because I was trying to “keep in touch” like
we all said we would but I was just being ignored and I got angry. They
surely keep in touch with Cam. I guess its just me. But I just want them to
be straight forward and tell me that they don’t want to be friends with me
anymore or to just leave them alone so I don’t waste all my efforts in
trying to make our friendship work. I’m not talking about everyone. I’m
talking about the few who can’t even take the time to say wsup to an old
friend. There are some who do keep in touch but there are also some who just
ignore me. Don’t be a bitch and tell me to leave your ass alone. I’d be more
than glad to leave you alone. You’re just one in billions of people that I
could be friends with. I just wanted to let that out there because it
bothers me a lot.

-maaattchu

 
May 4, 2009
 
my family. my heart. my soul. my life. my everything.

my family. my heart. my soul. my life. my everything.